(Sorry for the crazy long post!) I started seeing an LCSW through my county's behavioral health department. I have seen her 4 times over the span of about a month (basically once a week). After our sessions, I need to fill out a little form which has me rate how I felt about our session, how I felt about the way we worked on issues, and how I feel overall about the therapist. I had been rating everything towards the middle, since I wanted to be diplomatic, and honestly I feel like the rating system has some flaws anyway. Today at the start my appointment, the therapist explained that I had somehow been rating her lower than the facility would prefer, and that we needed to talk about my expectations, and why the rating wasn't higher. From the start, I felt like somehow *I* had done something wrong, and was also quite confused as to how a consistent mid-range rating could be considered too low.

When she asked why I hadn't been rating her higher, I explained to her that did feel like sometimes we spend a little bit more time on things that aren't helpful to me during my sessions (an example, at my last appointment, we spent the whole session going online and looking at web-sites of other places I could check out to find more help and support. After 10 minutes of sitting in silence watching a video advertisement for another facility, I said something like, "I could actually probably just watch this at home. Maybe we could move on.") I know I was not rude... I'm intensely aware of other people's feelings (sometimes to a fault) :P

However today she expressed frustration with me, saying that I was being rude and critical during our last session, saying that I had complained that we were "wasting time." I said I didn't know what she meant, and that I really didn't mean to be rude, and I knew I didn't say anything so rude. Then she said something like, "Well, I get the sense that you're being critical of me now. I wonder if maybe you're projecting that attitude onto me like your Father does to you." (My Dad was abusive and hyper critical, and partially why I'm even in therapy).

I just broke down then. That hurt. That felt like something unprofessional. I just couldn't believe that the person who is supposed to be supporting me and helping me was nearly picking a fight with me. All because of this silly rating system. I felt so bad and awkward afterwards, and now I'm not entirely sure I even want to continue with the therapy. I don't know how to get past this. I feel like I can't trust her now, and that anything I say might be construed in a way I don't mean. Has anyone else had something like this happen to them? How did you deal with it? I'm just feeling at a loss right now. It's like we speak two different languages and can't seem to get on the same page :-( Feeling so sad and kind of violated right now...

Briar