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Old Sep 04, 2014, 05:02 PM
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sleepy47 sleepy47 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Ireland
Posts: 7
I'm seeking advice, because I can't forget somebody.
I'm aware that this sounds petty and teenage, but I am scaring myself and I know that if this person knew about my behavior they would feel very uncomfortable, and rightly so.
We stopped being friends 248 days ago, (their choice, obviously) and since then I have been completely preoccupied with them. I have actively stalked them, which involved countless attempts at searching for them online. I have found their entire college timetable, what rooms they are in in college and when, their student number and their current grades, their home address, and I have made a fake facebook account with mutual friends so that i can still see some information about them despite their having blocked me. Upon finding their address I anonymously sent them a pizza and gleefully waited for them to post about the mystery pizza (which they did but that only cheered me up for about 10 minutes.)
I messaged them about a month after we fought and we tried to sort things out but it didn't happen and they are quite adamant that I can't stay in their life, so I don't know what I hope to achieve from this harassment. Yesterday I bought a bottle of the shampoo they use just so i could smell like them. I know this behavior is ridiculous and disgusting, but I can't help myself. I try to stop or to cut myself off but every time i try i just get fidgety and uncomfortable and cant stop thinking about what they are doing or what information i might be missing. I keep fantasizing about seeing them again or getting a second chance and I know it wont happen but I've considered hanging around the area where they live in the hope that I will run into them. I've also thought about changing my name and appearance and "accidentally" running into them one day and making friends as a new person.
I really feel like i'm going insane and that this is very unhealthy. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. I thought this was just normal grieving but it really looks a lot worse.