I guess there is a sense in which I hope that it is depression, anxiety & my GID issues, etc. that caused me to ruin my life. Because, if that is not in fact true, then I have no excuse for all the damage I've done in this world other than to admit I am simply a fundamentally evil person. I hope it is true I have suffered with mental illness my entire life (even though I was never willing or able to admit it until I was into my early 50's) & it was this undiagnosed mental illness that caused me to become such a worthless human being.

That having been said, regretful... you know... depression is an insidious disease. First it causes you to do things you would otherwise not have done (or not do things you would have done) & then, if that's not bad enough, it causes you to look back at what you did or didn't do, & to regret those things. It's kind-of a double whammy, so to speak. The reality is, none of us knows how we might have lived our lives differently had we not been saddled with mental illness. All we can do now is to try to learn from our pasts, & do the best we can now & in the future. I believe you are doing that.