I was in a complete manic state all day long, it was so bad I could hardly function at work and one of my coworkers asked if I needed some kind of meds (little did she know how true it was). I felt this way all the way till 5 when all of a sudden I was so down the only thing I could think about was hurting myself.... during this episode my mom was frustrated and said find go kill your self then I wont have to deal with you anymore.

This is probably the worst thing anyone has ever said to me and my response was never test someone who thinks about it all the time. She later said she does not believe that I would ever do it and that she was just frustrated with my behavior.

I don't know how to control myself during these episodes they switched my meds yesterday to Abilify and I have heard good things but it was too soon to stop me from performing SH so I could regain control.

I feel so lost and so hopeless right now and I I know my son deserves someone more stable but I don't think I will ever be that.