Dear Desirae2,
I wish you could feel the huge cuddles being sent your way by all of us (can I speak for us all here?) upon reading your post.
Feeling such desperation and self-doubt is a very heavy weight. There are alot of women, out there, who feel the same way you do, at some time in their 'mothering' life.
You sound like a loving mother and a wonderful person. Your concern for their care is evident of that.
You seem emotionally overwhelmed, which in turn will affect all you do each day.
Do you have a GP that you can trust, as a start and perhaps get in touch with the (recognised) post natal depression organisation in your state. Now, I'm not labelling you with 'post natal depression', but some of the symptoms you describe are typical of pnd and you could have a talk to them about what you're feeling at the moment. All of these people can provide counselling for you or refer you to another 'helper'.
Maybe there are some other issues in your life, having an adverse effect on your psyche/happiness at the moment.
There is nothing to be ashamed of reaching out for some help. By posting your message for us to read, you've begun the process of asking for advice and/or expressing your current fears. I applaud you.
I wish you well with a huge hug.