omg never has my t said a word that sounded as much like psycho-babble as this word did today coming out her mouth. this morning I told her quite honestly that I didn't really care if we did or didn't talk today. I told her I didn't intend for that to sound mean, but it was just totally how I felt. she said and yet you called and kept your commitment. of course I did, I was expected to. She said that it sounded like resistance. I'm just so dam frustrated with this entire process right now. I know this goes back to mid-July when I asked her how I would find out if something happened to her and she told me she didn't have anything in place to notify clients because it was "too much like writing a will". I let it drop but should not have. It's been festering and I hate how it makes me feel like she doesn't give a rat's butt about how it would affect me and her other clients. And that's affecting everything. I don't even know where this therapy is going anymore. Right up until we talked this morning, I felt fine. I really did. Like, I'm done with this fine. After we talked, I felt hugely frustrated and like I am never going to be able to extricate myself from her. Like I'm trapped in therapy or something. We'd scheduled for 2 weeks from now, I tried not to, honestly I did and we were about to leave it at "call when you want to schedule" when she said "are you sure you want to do that?" And of course I caved and said no. and worse than that, this afternoon at work I was thinking about it all and decided what I really want, is to just tell her ASAP exactly how I feel no matter how vulnerable I have to let myself be, and then tell her in no uncertain terms that I need to take a break again. So I emailed and asked for a sooner appointment. Now we are talking again tomorrow morning . Am I a glutton for punishment? I've already written out what I want to say tomorrow and I'm going to tell her to please let me read it through before she responds. I already told her in my email that I want to take a break after this. Sorry for the wall of words I don't know what I'm looking for here other than to just dump this out of my head so I can go to sleep. Thanks to anyone who made it all the way through. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning.