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Originally Posted by indigo1015
And I'm stumped as to how to explain to him that I don't know how to be in a good relationship...
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The only thing that has worked for me so far was to study and USE some good relationship skills that I found in books and at google: relationship tips. I was also doing emotional therapy so the two combined very well for me.
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What I mean by that is that he wants to know everything about me, my thoughts, my feelings, etc., and I am not at all good at opening up about those things.
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Sharing meetings at 12 step groups helped me a lot to open up and speak about my fragile inner truths. That and Self Esteem work plus the relationship skills made everything come together for me.
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I honestly don't feel that he needs to know everything, either - of course, I believe in total honesty in a relationship. However, I feel I am entitled to my private thoughts, feelings, etc. And frankly, there are many things about my past that, I feel, he wouldn't understand. They might even make him turn away from me.
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In Codependents Anonymous, I learned about BOUNDARIES which would apply to some of what you are saying here, IMO.
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However, if anyone has any thoughts or advice on this issue, I'd be willing to listen...
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My only thought is that, after doing a lot of therapy and learning about good relationship skills, I am currently in a wonderful, happy and SUCCESSFUL marriage with a person who learned and uses what I did. I am pretty sure that just knowing how to make a relationship work can get most people through the relationship jungle of life even if they never bother with therapy or 12 step groups but I'm sure glad that I did go into therapy and support groups to repair some of the early childhood damages that had ruined most of my other relationships before my current marriage.
good luck,]
jim
