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Originally Posted by silver tree
Everyone has something to offer sweetheart. Finding out who you are and seeing all those things that are special about you, would help you to show that to others maybe? I am thinking you are quite young?? What people want for a relationship changes as you get older and all those superficial things become less important. Perhaps looking inwards and asking yourself deeper questions; what values you have, cultures/nature/places you wish to experience, what you are passionate about and what makes you 'tick', will cement all of those more important attributes and things that make people appealing to others with similar outlooks/interests.
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I know what's special about me, but I'm not sure they're all relevant to romantic relationships (or relationships in general). And the ones that are, apparently people don't really care about or they're more concerned with looks or experience or something? I mean, I'm really open-minded and try to be as non-judgmental as I can be. I can have long philosophic conversations about topics even outside of my expertise. I sort of have an advocate type personality I guess. Since I'm in the arts, it sets me up to possibly be able to influence culture in a positive way, so I hope to do that. Maybe those sorts of things is just too alien to other people?
I suppose I'm younger, but not that young anymore (I'm 26). I'm at least old enough that I ought to have had a serious (or even a non-serious) relationship that lasted more than a week or two by now. Some people seem put off that I'm not in a relationship…like it's strange to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by silver tree
Far from it!! Home made soups are a really good way of getting a lot of nutrients and filling you up and yet still very low cal. Or even low cal cuppa soups for in between meals. Lemon in hot water with sweeteners are good as the warm drink helps to satisfy any empty feelings I find (just because you mentioned not eating enough) But I think you should see your doctor if you feel you have a health problem like anaemia?
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I often don't even have time to eat meals, let alone snacks. For example, on Tuesdays I have classes etc. from 9:30-3:10 at least (and sometimes until 4:30). On Thursdays for the next few weeks, I go from 11:00-5:30 without more than a few minutes for a break. I can take a power bar sort of thing and eat during class, but I don't really feel comfortable taking something that needs to be refrigerated. On the other days of the week, I just walk downtown and get something to eat halfway through the day.
I've seen a doctor in the past about anemia. Apparently, it's stable and I take a multi-vitamin that has iron in it so I don't really see that as a huge problem. I have more of a problem with symptoms that feel like hypoglycemia (which runs in my family). There's no point in going to the doctor for it though, as they can't help me anymore than I'm already helping myself.
I just have problems with eating, between the fear of people thinking I'm fat or that I must be seen as eating too much. I also feel tremendous guilt over how much it costs for me personally. My parents are basically paying for it all so I can just go to school full time and not have to worry about it. But I still worry about it because even though they're relatively well off, it just seems like a lot of money to me.
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Originally Posted by silver tree
I didn't mean LOOK for a common interest with someone, more what are your interest?? and find a way of displaying that (e'g books, magazines about those things) and someone with the same interest will strike up a conversation about that. Leisurely classes is another good way to meet like minded people. Is there something fun you would like to learn?
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I'm not sure if I have time to do much outside of my degree. Even if I get everything else done, I still need to work on something in my main area (like staying ahead of schedule on my degree's equivalent to a dissertation. Before I started classes again, I was in a community group, but I have mixed feelings about being regularly involved in it again.
If I had the time and didn't feel guilty about using my parents' money for something that isn't necessary, I would like to study acting.
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Originally Posted by silver tree
Then perhaps don't. Just get to know someone without thinking along those lines and try and pick up on signals? make it clear that you don't want to just sleep with someone and so put that boundary there early on, and then just see how things go?
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No one respects boundaries anymore. I mean, I guess the guys that have coerced me into anything sexual have at least allowed me to remain a virgin. I'm actually quite surprised about that, to be honest.
Besides, by even mentioning sex, that's going to encourage them. It seems that if a guy has interest and I don't, I have to completely ignore them or they just assume I'm "playing hard to get". Even if I told them they overstepped my boundaries. And they never get it and keep sending me messages.
I'm afraid to get someone interested in me unless I know 100% for sure that I'm interested in them and will always have interest in them. Which is impossible to know with that much certainty. Fortunately (in this case), almost no one ever has any interest in me.
I haven't yet found a way to adequately communicate that my "No" actually means "No." Or even that anything less than an emphatic "Yes" means "No." And I've told that pretty much verbatim to someone before. And he still pushed the boundary hard and kept trying to get me in a situation where I would get drunk (and he knew that that would make it easier for me to just say yes to get the inevitable over with).
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Originally Posted by silver tree
If you are just really wanting to be in a relationship then join some dating sites maybe? that way you know what they are there for when they talk to you. Nearly half of all relationships start on-line now so everyone is doing it  |
I have. They're terrible. I'm afraid to meet another person off a dating site without someone I trust present. I don't want to be forced into something sexual right off the bat…even though I've never gone as far as actual intercourse, they've actually ruined sex for me.
All these people want is sex. I have nothing against random, anonymous sex in general, I just personally don't want anything to do with it. And that's what I've gotten with dating sites. Just having my profile up and having people send me messages creeps me out now.
Basically, dating sites are for hook-ups. That's not what I want. I can have a much more enjoyable sexual experience on my own, thank you very much.