It's frustrating not knowing. I still don't know what's up with me. I have gone through everything that I can possibly think of to explain how I feel or why. And my doctors always praise me for my self-awareness, but nope... it doesn't exist atm.

I see my Pdoc tomorrow. I am dreading it. The last two times I've seen her, I've gotten threats and lectures. She told me last time if I become a "severe" case, she couldn't remain my Pdoc. So, ummm, I get to tell her tomorrow I'm having severe SUI thoughts and I have no clue why... Oh, the joy.

Is it odd that the picture I would relate to the most is a blank canvas (i.e. polar bear in a snow storm)? The only metaphor I can think of is "drowning" in "air". I don't think either of those things will help me explain anything.

Well, I thank you to those who can relate