I just want to feel "normal" between sessions. I hate this hangover feeling of heartache, missing her, wanting to go back. I sometimes hate that my T. has any affect over me. I don't see her next week which makes it worse. I try to stay busy but it doesn't always take my mind off things. The only thing that makes me feel better is a bourbon and coke (which I only have on the weekends) which is not good with alcoholism on both sides of my family.

I've lived my whole life stuffing my feelings down to avoid pain. Therapy is trying to change that for the better but it's so painful in the meantime. Now I have all of these emotions that are hard to deal with and time doesn't pass fast enough....