Hi,

My wife and I have struggled in our relationship in the past, but are doing better now.

She has dealt with problems with depression and anxiety for years. I have remained guarded through many of her ups and downs, resulting in us not having a truly deep connection. I turned to pornography as a physical outlet for years. When she found this out 2-3 years ago, it rocked our relationship. I have owned up to all my mistakes, and have stopped this destructive behavior completely.

Still, now, over 2 years later, we are not recovering in our physical relationship. She is still struggling with depression and anxiety problems. I have worked VERY hard to foster deep connections and to look after her and our home and family throughout.

To her, pornography means I cheated, and that I will have an affair or liason in the future if I haven't had one already. This is absolutely not the case, in any way, shape, or form.

She has changed all passwords on computers at home, and has passwords for all my work accounts and phone to check whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

Now, she is concerned about pregnancy, and has requested I get a vasectomy. I feel pretty emasculated already. She is "trying to regain her power" in many ways, and has said she sacrificed her body to have children for me and bears those scars. I understand this... She needs to feel secure, and like I am hers. She needs sacrifice in return.

What do I do? We rarely ever have sex anymore. She says this is in part due to pregnancy fears, despite us using protection. I see it more to do with depression.

She's threatened to leave me many times. This surgery may bring us closer. It may leave me with an unwanted surgery and a wife who has left me anyway.