I did talk to my T as promised. We first met him about 8 years ago... for couples therapy... We mostly dealt with my issues with her family.... and my family.... We did talk about some sexual issues.. but, not this extreme lack of desire, or her aversion to even trying to have an orgasm (okay, we did try together once or twice).

Anyway, after couples therapy we started seeing him separately... So, we've both known him for a long time...

He basically recommended that I buy a vibrator... and that is what I plan on doing.

I did also tell him about fantasizing about affairs....

I'm open to couples counseling... we'll see how the vibrator works out...

My biggest fear is that she will be so angry or embarrassed that she will tell her friends about it in a way that makes me "the bad guy". Because, she has done just that over other issues.