My conditioning to be hard on myself and develop an inner Critic came from my parents first and then from others a little later on. The problem that people have with this ugly, self abusing pattern is that, since their own parents started it, they do not dare go against what their parents said for FEAR of being punished or they love and respect their beloved parents SO MUCH that they prefer to go along with what their dear parents said and so they feel comfortable continuing with the abusive PROGRAMING mommy & daddy fed them. It's a weird situation where some of us don't dare challenge our early programing OR we love and respect it - even if it is DESTRUCTIVE!
That brings up the deeper issue = how to undo bad programming and replace it with better programming?
I have noticed that many people seem to want to feel and think better BUT they either don't dare or they settle for what they have after a few feeble attempts to change their inner programming. I've often wondered why so many people CANNOT change and I have come to believe that they are simply STUCK with either fear or mindless allegiance to those who programed them. In sharing meetings, I actually heard people saying that they are AFRAID their parents will come out of the grave to PUNISH them for exposing their ugly family secrets at the meetings!
What is troubling for me is how often we see messages like: Be kind to your self, have some self respect, bring back that loving feeling, etc. BUT rarely any information on exactly HOW to do it! It seems that the "how to" is the most important yet seldom offered part of any teaching and I would recommend that anybody, who wants to change or whatever, needs to put a lot of time and effort into the "how to" side of things - like learning to play the piano. I won't learn to play a piano in a week-end or at a two week workshop yet many believe they can overcome bad programing with just a few sessions at the therapist's office or by getting a few tips at a forum! For me, it took a LOT OF WORK!
love,
jim


I am caring and compassionate.
I help where I can.