I want to stay with her, but the threats and constant need for reinforcement and need for apologetic behavior makes me wonder if she will stay. Also a low point in depression has triggered a walk out in the past.

I'm sure it could happen again.

If she left, i would consider a fresh start elsewhere. Its hard to face that, but i'm exhausted by the demands on me. This woman is all i ever wanted, but i take second place to her illnesses. Ive felt ive thrown myself at her for years without much notice in return. Now i get a lot of (deserved) negative notice.

We've been in couple and individual counselling for long periods of time.

No, I have no computer acess at home. I've given up my email accounts and social media accounts.