UPDATE: he has now had 5 episodes of passing out. Last week, when it happened he promised me, his sister, his friend and his doctor that he would go in the ambulance. He was affectionate to me for a few days. When I very nicely asked him on Wednesday, to clean up something of his, he got angry with me and stopped all affection/loving words. I ALWAYS clean up everything. He rarely helps me around the house or the yard. I could understand if it was something major because of his health. But it is very small. And yes, I am staying at his house free. But he isn't paying any of my bills.

This morning, when he insisted on going alone to do errands, I cried. A hour later, I got a phone call that he had a episode on the highway. I had to fight for him to go to the hospital. He texted me that they are keeping him there and that he knew this was going to happen. Like it is my fault.

I know people are thinking I am crazy. Why oh why did I get involve myself in this mess? Why haven't I decided on what to do next? I feel stuck.

I went to the doctor on Tuesday for a sore knee. I wanted to talk to her about all of this, too. But it seemed like she wanted me out of there as quickly as possible. I don't have any medical insurance. So it wasn't cheap. I feel like it was just a waste of time.

I wish I had a female friend to talk to. But no one in this town likes me, they are all on his side. Even a cop comes to have a friendly visit for 2 hours.

I wish I could find a job. I don't even know if that is what I need to do. What if I complain because something isn't clean and they fire me like they did in my last job?? What if they find out something bad from my past and don't ask me to explain?