oakrider i know exactly how you feel, and i am in the same boat i have been trying to get help with my depression for 10 years and i'm only at the starting point where they keep stuffing me full of different AD's and won't even get me any kind of therapy(i have been rejected times even though i have made 2 suicide attempts... one very recently) but if you stop fighting like i kind of have you end up nowhere and you do lose everything(like i have) i hope this makes sense to you