Have I ever felt that my decisions taken in the midst of my depression have ruined my life?

I was diagnosed with depression at 14 with a progression into clinical depression by 15. Academics was a very big part of my life. My decision, indecision, stupidity, complicity and the slump of depression led me a generally scoring 75% and above student (that despite absenting a third of the school year still scored 67% on her final exam that year - the absenteeism a result of depression plus a smattering of social anxiety) agreeing to a change schools i.e. boarding school the next year (as it was a board-exam year and attendance really counts for those) in hopes that at least absenting won't be the problem anymore. My state worsened in boarding school. I paid attention less and less feeling like I had no support, no one who understood and started drifting into my own world more and more. I ended the year on the not so high of 69%. I returned home to find that most of my friends had shed blood sweat and tears on it, even classmates that used to score between 60-65%, whom I'd help out sometimes had jumped far ahead of me and wasn't that a kick to the ego! The gap widened and kept on widening. I stood on the edge of a chasm and kept falling further and further in. That kick to my confidence and self-esteem worked its wonders and eventually the self-doubt and pressure got to me and I became a drop-out. I hated going outside in case I met-up with someone (how could I face their questions? I had been someone who had been going somewhere before all this). With time, that fear has by now developed into a full blown phobia of people and going outside.
There are many other reasons, decisions; half-baked, ill-thought actions and the burden of their consequences that haunt me to this day. As it is now with 12 years down the drain, my niece is far more qualified than I am and I still dread going out of the house even for genuine medical reasons. I've held jobs briefly one for a six-month period and other for a measly two until I had to let go as halfway in my fears come back more terrifying than ever. I'm guessing as long as I keep going on making half a leap forth and two steps back, if not progress at least I'm not regressing - not that badly at least.

I can only imagine how badly I've hurt my nearest and dearest ones in the midst of all this. It must have been hellish but I'm lucky enough I guess in that I still have their love and support.
For each poor decision you've made there are people that have made worse ones as unintentional as they may be.

Keep those you love and those who love you close.

* You have their love, their support. One day at a time, one more step further. *

You may not get back on that track today, maybe not tomorrow either but as long as you keep trying, you'll keep getting that one step closer and one day out of the blue - when you look back you'll see that you've come a lot farther... that not only is that train back on track, it's done double time to make up that small delay in the beginning.

Keep that hope alive and growing.