It doesn't sound like this is a person who can give you what you want. You've been holding out for months or more on crumbs, and getting resentful and hurt. Maybe consider that she clearly is not able or willing to provide what you're wanting at this time?

Not everyone is compatible with dealing with these deep emotional issues that you mentioned wanting to share with her in the original post. And not everyone is going to be willing or able to be around consistently for us, even though we hope they will.

Not everyone will be direct and say that, but her silence and absence, so many times over such a long period, does send a message.