Sounds like you are in a real tough spot and have been so for some time. Can you call or set up an appointment with your medical provider or therapist and talk with them as honestly as in your post? People can't help if we don't reach out for help. If your medical provider or therapist isn't helping, try another.

Sometimes the best "revenge" against those who have wronged us is to cope well and move on with our life. Holding on to a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other to be poisoned.

Take care & I hope you reach out for help!