A bit about me first..

in my spare time I am a foster carer for cats and also volunteer for the same animal rescue group to help raise money so we can save as many animals as we can, make sure they have the vet treatment they need and then help them have a second chance in life and find them their forever homes.

Today I was meant to help out at an event. It was a highway collection. I have been looking forward to this for months now and the other volunteers are a great group of people - we always have heaps of fun no matter what the event is

I panicked though early this morning and I was so certain that if I went then I would be hurt (have been through a lot of past abuse) this one thought kept going through my mind... "its not safe to do, a man will hurt and abuse you, they will drag you into your car and sexually abuse you.. its not safe. you are only a little girl and you will be hurt." ..ummm I am 25 years old but I dont see myself as that, I feel so little and small and I always need someone to be there and help me through things - stupid hey?

I had a massive panic attack. I couldnt breathe. I let everyone down cuz I let my anxiety and fears get in the way

I don't know what I am needing from this post but I guess I just need to know I am not alone..

thanks for reading.