Benadryl pretty much knocks me out.

As sucky as your life is right now, I really hope you don't kill yourself. I know money is a huge problem but it seems like someone should be able to help. DFCS, United Way, a church, or a food bank.....even some sort if state funded living arrangement for people with disabilities.

You seem intelligent, funny, and the people here like you. You'd be a good person to help others because it sounds like you've been to hell and back. I think the mental health field needs more people like you mentoring, someone who has been there, instead of someone who read about it in a book.

I think if you hang on long enough, your life will turn around and you'll be so glad you didn't pull the trigger.