Things are better in some ways. My wife sees our marriage issues as due to reasons external to her: change in career, death in the family, ongoing problems with depression, anxiety, and some ocd symtoms. symptoms . I've been supportive through it all, and I know I have. I have fully carried the load with 3 kids, and soccer and homework and lunches for a year now while she is struggling through depression. I've continued to make time for her and i alone 3 or 4 nights a week. I dont have any social network at all . I talk to her numerous times a day to support her and encourage her. I make it a point DAILY to tell her how beautiful, special, and smart she is, and that we can mive forward. I tell her the things that are specific and unique to her. I try to share my feelings with her and my worries but she isnt often open to hearing them. I screwed up and damaged our relationship, but there was a reason why i sought a sexual outlet. That has never been addressed. She has never really been interested in sex. I'm pretty much not a sexual being thesedays. I have NO outlet at all. This surgery feels like, here, take my manhood, i wasnt using it anyway..

I've been carrying a lot. I've been putting myself out there and openly to her a lot, i've commited to counseling and to moving forward. I see changes in her, trying to take more control of the depression, trying to be around with the kids more. But i guess i'm not hopeful for a change.