Quote:
Originally Posted by Raynaadi
I think I was fairly young when I had sexual feelings, but can't nail down an age. I remember getting pretty hot an heavy with a boyfriend at 14, but we didn't have sex. I enjoyed fooling around a lot though. I was a virgin until I was 21. But then I busted out the gates with a vengeance. Now I definetly have some issues surrounding sex that I've been working on. I had it in my head that a guy wouldn't like me unless I slept with him. I had also decided that men needed sex all the time and I had better do it all the time to keep them happy. I've worked through a lot of that, and these days sex is much more enjoyable for me, because I only do it if I want to.
I can really take it or leave it though. Its been about a month and I don't miss it yet haha! I mostly miss being close to someone. I crave that. Just cuddling, watching a movie on the couch, holding hands. My last relationship was kinda strange, because he was an ex boyfriend and I told him we had to wait for sex. I had decided I needed time to date a guy before we hopped in the sack. So we waited about a month and a half, even though we had been intimate in the past. I really see now that I need that period to see, for myself, that the guy is in it for more than just sex, because my sexual feelings were incredibly jaded.
Getting back on topic....I think my parents explained sex to me fairly early, probably around 12? Because the kids at school were starting to talk and I was asking questions. I don't know how I ended up with such jaded ideas as a young adult.
Thanks for this thread!
~Rayna
|
One reason that would explain why you felt you had to have sex in order to gain love and acceptance from men would be tv and movies. A few examples would be fast times at ridgemont high(FTRH) and all the right moves (ATRM). FTRH opens up with girls at work in the mall discussing sex. An older girl (17yo) tells the younger girl (14yo) that in order for a 21 year old man to take her out on a date she must go and have sex with him, which happens. Later on the younger girl tells the older girl how much the sex hurt and the older girl informs he that it gets better and better and she must keep doing it or boys/men will not want to go out with her. The second example ATRM is a movie abut a high school football player and the relationship he has with his girlfriend. Early in the film, after a big game he is out with his girl in the car and he keeps pushing to go further sexually with his girlfriend till he pushes her to the point where she is no longer comfortable. He gets enraged and aggressive towards the girl. She has the look of extreme fear on her face. However, what she is afraid of is him leaving her for he unwillingness to have sex with the man. You see the media has put out messages in America that sex is required out of a woman in order for them to be accepted by men. These movies are just two I could come up with off the top of my head. I am a male and I too fell into this pit. I believed that this was acceptable and indeed at one point felt this to be the way things were and should be. I passed up lots of opportunities to have beautiful relationships with mental and spiritual meaning because of a lack of sexual involvement. I am 31 and I know after 3 long term relationships built on the misguided beliefs of "sex in excess" that sex is a small component of a relationship. Sex is of course a means of reproduction, but it is also a way to be intimate with your special partner, draw two people closer in a way that is unique and special that no others get to partake in with you. We grew up in a time where moral values and intimacy were horribly misguided.