Do you have any support, or see a therapist? I thought the same things about myself (and still do to a lesser degree now) for years and really hurt myself as I thought I deserved it.
However, my T sees something good in me, and believes that I am not evil..having someone else think that feels strange.

The thing that I did, I did as a child (aged 14), and was a product of my upbringing. I did it for a reason, however misguided. Its taking a while to realise that.

I hope you can talk to someone about this.