Sadly today, this is how many guys end up with gold-diggers. But, you have a point. You see, I AM happy with myself, or I was at least. But, having the Asperger's condition means myself is not the normal "myself" others want. I realized this and became unhappy. You have to understand happy for me is totally abnormal. Happy for me is being locked in a room with my latest obsession and being totally oblivious to everyone around me. It's just me. Nobody likes such a person, no matter how happy they are. The normal social rules don't work in my case.

I swear, I am the only person that loves myself for who I am. I am happy with myself. I love me for being so unique. But, in terms of others and what they have defined normal, I hate myself. I can't explain it so well, sorry. To succeed in the world, it means I have to betray myself and totally who I am. For "normal" people it's a minor adjustment, for me it's a total redefinition. That's what I meant when I said it's easier for me to die and be reborn as another person all together.