so I have had mental health issues for a while now, and I am pretty good at having a decent handle on them in most cases of things espically in the context of my jobs.

lol I have a very high work ethic of what is professional in jobs and what is not.

but lately I have been really struggling with having two jobs being able to get a hold of my therapist and make time to go in and see my therapist like I need to ...and my depression is just ripping me apart inside.

I almost ended up seeing if checking myself into a pysch ward would or would not be the best option for me and honestly.

the idea of it potentially happening is not entirely off the table as of right now.

and I am already getting phone call up the butt from both my jobs.....already today.

so I am kind of stressed a bit about how I would find time this next week to go in and see my doctor and make sure I can do..all this the way i need to. But frankly....at this point I have to do this. Going in for my jobs and doing a good job at my jobs...is an important thing I realize that.

but taking care of my self and my mental health is pressing also and i need to make sure I am doing what I need to do for myself. If I end up losing my jobs over something as dumb as saying 'hey I need to take care of my self and my health" then in my mind maybe that job was not a good place for me to be in to begin with.

it is really frustrating that I called in to check my schedule at the new job and no one bothered telling me that I was scheduled to come in last minute today from 10am-4... I keep making dumb mistakes of **** cause apparently I thought my manager at the new job had screwed up.... and apparently they did not I though I was going in at 4 and I guess i am going in at five....but I need to call and make sure.

I honestly feel like my jobs are costing me my mental health slowly but surely