Quote:
Originally Posted by A Red Panda
Ok... so I will probably sound harsh, but it is with the best intentions ok? I'm going to take the role of harsh-critic-blunt-friend. And it is ONLY based upon your posts in this thread - there is a lot about you that I am clearly missing!
1. Your lack of confidence in yourself will in fact show up quite quickly in conversations.
2. You can in fact change your eating habits. Even if you don't lose weight, you'll be healthier. (Plus, if you went from never working out to biking lots, you were probably also gaining some muscle).
3. Prositutes will give you a warped perception of women - it's not helping you at all. And a lot of women will definitely not wish to be in a relationship with someone who's gone to lots and lots of them. (Then again, not everyone! There are also lots of women who won't care because it's your past.)
4. What sort of job do you have? A lot of people care to see that potential partners have a stable career (then again - not everyone! and "stable" doesn't mean "earning lots of money")
5. A smile and brief random conversation really doesn't mean "hey I want to date you". It means that you smiled and were friendly. Not everyone will interpret that as sexual desire. I wouldn't! I'm quite clueless.
6. Therapy would be quite beneficial because you don't seem to have a very positive view about anything at all (then again, you're having a rant!) and you've mentioned problems since childhood. Therapy could help you manage that and recover a bit.
7. It sounds like you just meet women in bars? Try joining up with social groups in your area to meet people who would have similar interests. Or do some volunteer work. If nothing else, it will help you develop more social skills.
There is a lot that you can do to help improve the quality of your life. Quality of life means what do you have going on in your life that is meaningful to you? Do you have a job that you enjoy? Are you happy? Are you taking care of yourself physically and emotionally? A lot of the time, when you are happy with your life you're more receptive to finding a healthy relationship - and it shows when you meet people.
If I were in your situation... I'd focus on your health and your addictions (protitutes and junk food) and get some help dealing with your past traumas and low confidence in your social skills. They are all barriers.
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Thanks for that. Ummm...these things kind of apply, but the thing is I think my weirdness/abnormalness factor is a lot higher than most people's/guy's.
To answer your points:
1. OK, the thing is, I actually don't lack confidence at all. I can easily approach women or any people and speak with them. I am especially confident at public speaking (presentations, orals, etc.) and I actually rather enjoy it, where other peers of mine actually dread it.
2. With the eating habits, I agree. But, from about 8 or 9 years old, I started comfort eating to mask the things that were happening in my life. I lived on chocolate (which is proven to make you feel good), Coca-Cola, and then, not to disappoint my mom, I ate my food at night too. I developed an abnormal appetite for a 9 year old boy, but strangely it wasn't that far over normal if I look at it now. It was what I was eating/drinking that was the problem. I have been drinking Coca-Cola since I was a little boy, like 3. Before that, my mom used to give me coffee instead of milk, all in a BPA plastic bottle too. I only recently found out that BPA (bisphenol-A) caused so many problems in children who had it in their plastic bottles (bottle babies). Yep, I was one too. I've been addicted to Coke for over 20 years. I actually have withdrawal if I stop. I have to drink more than 2 litres a day or it feels like I'm going to die. I shake, sweat, feel weak, massive headaches (like being hit with a baseball bat or an axe) and then I pass out and wake up about 12-15 hours later, a complete blackout. I can try, but it's going to be so hard. My depression is also so bad that the highlight of my day is going to the KFC for my spicy burger and wings. If I had to lose that, I might as well be dead. I know that's pathetic, but that's the current state of affairs.
3. Oh well, I just reduced my chances by 99% by the sound of things then...
4. Don't have a job, studying full-time. Not attractive at all - a guy without money.
5. No, you're right. No, I meant that is they way I would initiate something.
6. Yep, I'm seeing a therapist.
7. Nope, the bar is only a latest thing of mine. I never used to set foot in pubs before. But, seeing as I had absolutely zero in terms of friends and a girlfriend, I thought, oh, what the hell...My dad was an alcoholic, and hit my mom. So much for vowing never to drink and become like him...
When I'm happy, the rest of the world is unhappy with me. My happiness lies in such an unconventional place. "Smile and the whole world smiles with you". I'm the exception. The things that make me happy are just downright pointless and boring to someone else. Hell, if I were to be happy, people would hang me.
I don't mean to be argumentative, but nobody can begin to fathom how abnormal I think and am.