Alone, I'm just learning lately that being nice to people is not always what makes them happy, it's not what they want. Take my H for example - I mentioned upthread that I let my anger at my missed session out at him Strangely, it actually seemed to make him happier. And his family *is* like that. They're always screaming at each other and falling out with each other. It's not healthy, but that's what he's used to. It makes him feel safe on some level.
Anyhoo, just really trying to say that being nice is not always the best way, and I think that's part of what our Ts try to teach us.

Incidentally, I did not tell H about my missed session, nor did I give any indication that my anger was related to therapy. It's just not a good idea to be vulnerable with someone who uses anger as a safety valve all the time.