Hi Bannywan70, I've just registered. Still trying to get oriented here. I don't think I can give you any advice, but I can tell you what I consider my worst mistakes in managing this kind of problem. To me, it appears like a humongous landslide. Once started, I cannot stop it. Another image is that of a rocket: I know exactly where it's going, but I can't do anything to stop it. And it doesn't matter what food I have on hand, either. I could devour raw flour. It's "breaking the tension" time. I just wish I could find a healthier way to it. So, for me, it's crucial to be aware that the tension is building up. And find a way to decrease tension before it's too late. Sometimes, I just misplace the "hole" in my stomach, knowing too well that it sits elsewhere. But those feelings and negative thoughts about ourselves, and our preoccupation to not be able to control our eating disorder, only contribute to increase the tension. I'm talking to myself and to you as well. I need to break the tension first. That can happen when I'm not upset for whatever reason. Go out for a good hike, play a basket game with a friend (that's what I can only dream of, my dearest friend lives in Australia), have an ice cream together, and then go home satisfied and happy. Then, you may look at yourself in the mirror and smile to your smiling face. And those thoughts would be thousands of miles away, and possibly never catch up with you.
I don't know if that makes any sense. I just wanted to say that, in my case, it's basically a matter of tension management. I'm trying to use this time of "post-release" of the tension to rethink my strategies, routines, activities. Everything should be done without overdoing. And I think I'm a natural to overdoing. Best wishes. I hope you'll find your way out, and start feeling better very soon.