It is very hard for me, but not that much either, I mean it's all I've ever known my whole life. I don't know of such things as specific centres, and if there are, I can almost be sure there are none here in S. Africa. Even our normal healthcare services are under-equipped, under-staffed and lack expertise. Everyone here is only into money, so things like that won't make any and hence they won't exist. It really is that ridiculous here. If there's no profit to be made, or taxes to be gained from it, nobody bothers. Quite sad, huh? I mean we are a country with a large, complex and diverse population, and my logic tells me there are bound to be people here with the same complex problems (that need experts or special organizations) that you'll find in Europe or the USA, but I think most people here don't even know (and don't care) about what autism is. It's just another reason to bully children in school, since they are different, and nobody, not even the teachers care. They just want their salary at the end of the month.

That's actually a tough one. Most people would say yes. I would say yes and no. Yes, because I did look good at one stage (when I was still quite young) and I miss that body, and I miss what I could've had in high-school and feeling great when you're healthy, wanting to do sports and exercise and you love your body. But, I often say no too, because I genuinely think it has prevented a lot of issues in my life too, I never had to worry about teenage pregnancy (since I was too hideous to get a girlfriend in high school), I bypassed all the peer-pressure stuff because nobody ever invited the fat monster to their parties, and I avoided basically all of the problems a normal teenager would encounter. So, I don't know. It hurt me and helped me .

When you are so different from everyone else, being the real you isolates you totally, because nobody can understand where you're coming from. Autism is different. It is not like the normal variations you get among normal people, you are a lot more way out there with your ideas and the things you are interested in. An Asperger's person's interests are so obscure and obsessive that they make other people want to back off completely, and just leave you alone thinking to themselves "What a freak!". I can't discuss the stuff that interest me with others, firstly I confuse the hell out of people because nobody knows the jargon and all the technical terms or understands anything I'm rambling on about. And, that leads to the second thing, you ramble on about things and nobody really cares, because it's obscure crap that nobody's interested in. For example, one of my interests is satellite TV and dishes. Now if I were to begin to tell you about gain, antenna diameter, coaxial cable, the path loss to the...blah blah blah you're already getting bored. To me it's so exiting, I want to jump for joy when I find an article or titbit of information about something I've been looking for, for years. Other people will say "So what, it's all just rubbish anyway." At this point I'm at my happiest, nothing beats that feeling. You see, but to even begin showing any sort of normality to anybody, I have to stop talking about the things I love all together. Now that is a huge step for me, but for the other person it seems like nothing, that's just step one. Now, I have to begin showing an interest in what the other people are talking about. They are talking about sports, women they are dating, celebrity gossip, their careers, and I don't have a clue where I fit in all of this, and I know even less about what they are talking about. At this point I'm so overwhelmed I shut down completely and crash, like a computer that just got infected with a huge virus. My brain goes chhh-zz-zz z ch shzz chszzz-zz-zz-zz-zz-chsz and fries completely. They are just warming up, getting started. They only way for me to come close is to leave everything I love behind and then begin to try and understand what they are thinking and how the social code works. It is like trying to figure out all the mysteries of the pyramids and the universe in 1 hour.

That's just one aspect - friendships. My work itself also has to adapt to be more "people friendly" or compatible. I'm currently doing my doctoral research in soil science. Could you imagine I did my PhD on my satellite nonsense, that would be pointless. I've got to do something that actually is meaningful and useful to the world. My petty obsessions mean nothing to anyone, except me. If I'm going to function in this world I've got to leave all I love behind and do something actually worthwhile. Net result - me unhappy, the rest of the world happy. If I only did stuff to make me happy, I'd be so isolated that it would only be me that's happy and nobody else around me. Can you imagine being around a guy that sits stuck in a room for 20 hours a day fiddling with what you see as no more than pointless nonsense? It makes him happy sure, but pisses other people off, because you can't get anything out of the moron, it's all he seems to care about, his stupid obsession, day in and day out.

What's that? Is that mental health dating agencies? Could be nice, don't know of anything local here, but maybe a long-distance relationship could work I suppose.