I was emotionally abandoned by both my parents in different ways, but they were both "there" for me on the surface, which made it even worse, because to outsiders everything looked fine. My mother put on an act of loving me, but it was all a lie. I still don't know to this day what she really thought of me. So, yes, I have lived this and it's possible. A child knows if they are loved or not.

I'm sorry if this was the case with you. I'm struggling with this in therapy, because it's all in the past .... over and done ... but the echoes continue to haunt me and affect my present-day r/s. It sounds like you have strong transference with Madame T and you are somehow reliving this. I hope somehow you can come to an understanding and acceptance of what happened in the past and how it is being replayed in the present. The only payoff I can see for reliving all this crap is to come to an acceptance and being able to let it go. Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you well. Hang in there.