Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
Drugs or alcohol are not issues I have, but I still would not see a therapist who thought they got to dictate how I came to appointments or if they got upset over anything at me. Sh, sui or anything really. It is simply not their place. The only result I can see from what the op's therapist did, would cause a client to lie rather than not. Further, the therapist is being paid. I do not believe a client can waste a therapist's time. A client can waste their own time or money, but not he time of the therapist.
See whatever therapist you wish, I simply would not. The therapist does not get to control me.
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You are right Stopdog - the therapist isn't there to control you. However, as a therapist I would hold a boundary that you can take whatever substances/alcohol you like, but not be under the influence when you come to the therapy room. That is my boundary. To turn a blind eye to the state the client arrives in and allow their substance abuse to wreck their therapy, just as it wrecks their life outside the therapy room, would be to collude with their self abuse. It's not about control, it's about a healthy boundary. My clients actually like it and feel safe with it. Yes, if they are sent away they are often angry and there is often much testing of the bounday(and that's also important), but getting in touch with that anger and us both surviving it, is the start if their being able to manage powerful and painful feelings without using harmful substances. For many of us, the therapist is the first person to offer something safe, and boundaries are about being safe. Of course, for many, boundaries equate to being controlled - that is part of the work - to understand what healthy boundary means, especially if our boundaries have been violated. In therapy we can learn that boundaries mean safety and care.
alk2601 - I think that being sober for one hour a week in therapy is a reasonable request. Can you do that for yourself I wonder? Can you stay sober the night before therapy and notice how that feels, and take the feelings into the therapy room?
Part of the healing is about YOU taking responsibility, not the therapist. You can choose to turn up drunk each session if you wish, but part of the healing is in knowing there is a healthy boundary in place, and that means you may be told to leave, and come back next time sober. That's how you can start to take back YOUR control. Hopefully, it can be the start of many more hours a week where you can be in a better place to heal.
As a therapist, I am firm with this boundary, and will often show an anger that shows I care and want the client to be safe. I never attack with my anger. It shows I am willing to fight for my clients, and when that is internalised, the client can start to take greater care if self. It's all about healthy attachment, the blueprint for self care.
I wish you well in your therapy and your journey to self care and reaching your potential.
Moon
