Maybe she fundamentally doesn't get what you're going through? I often don't tell my partner stuff about therapy, not because I don't want her to know it but because I don't want the ickiness of therapy in my house. It makes it hard for her to empathize and not be irritated with the post therapy funk I'm in every week. I sometimes try to talk about it but it often ends up being a kind of guarded, vague explanation which I think she finds unsatisfying, if not irritating.

However my partner does value therapy, is in therapy herself and kind of accepts the cost as a necessary expense.

She started therapy several years before I did (this round anyway) and I was the full-time wage earner while she was the stay-at-home mom. She sometimes felt bad about the expense but honestly it was such a huge relief for me that she was getting support elsewhere that I never resented the cost of her therapy. But she was much more open about her therapy process with me than I am about mine with her. I'm just more in my head than she she is--which she often experiences as a kind of irritating spaciness. So maybe that made it easier for me to accept.

Do you think that your wife benefits at all from your being in therapy? Are there issues you no longer work out on your relationship because of therapy? Fights you no longer have? Symptoms she no longer has to deal with? Is therapy helping you become a better spouse or parent in ways that she can notice?

Have you really sat down with her when the kids are not around and explained how and why therapy works for you? Have you validated her concerns and resentment about the cost? Can you help her understand that your seemingly sudden and arbitrary inability to cope is not your choice and that a history of abuse can catch up with you in ways that are unpredictable, overwhelming and terrifying? That therapy is lighting your way through all the wreckage?

Does anyone have suggestions of books or maybe movies that could help with this?

Good luck!