I think the problem is that your parents lack empathy for you. Given all the detail you provided about their current behavior alone, it seems reasonable to me that you would not go out of your way to contact them or comply with their implied or explicit demands.

If they really wanted to see you, they could visit - and thankfully they don't, right?!

I found reading about narcissism and other personality disorders helped me understand that I wasn't just crazy to feel resentful about the way I grew up - and helped quell qualms about distancing myself from my parents. I no longer speak to my father and I avoid prolonged contact with my mother - I can take her in 90 minute bursts.

I also feel like my dysfunctional family really screwed up my ability to make friends too, btw -- and I was just wondering why one of my brothers didn't seem to have that problem and remembered that he got kicked out when he was 16! It's definitely frustrating trying to learn those social skills as an adult.

Any minimal amount of contact you give your parents is a gift to them. They're lucky you read any of their emails if they are just guilt trips.