Asiablue
It sounds like you are in great pain and your texts reflect that. I hope your therapist understands your hate in that moment. It's ok, and healthy, but not neat and tidy! Without hate there can be no love. I hope your therapist can understand that and knows that your texts are hopeful. To take a punitive stance, that you are badly behaved, would not be helpful. She is your therapist and you are allowed to attack her, to experience your hatred and rage. I just hope you can go back and see it can be survived. You sound like you are doing some good work. Hang in there. I know it's one hell if a roller coaster you are on. You don't have to apologise, although you may feel the need to do that. It's your therapists job to survive and to help you understand it.

Moon