I want to say Thank you to everyone who has supported me in this thread. It means a lot. It's not easy to see thru the bad behaviour and support the person. But I think most of you know that it's not really like me to be like this.
On this forum it seems to trigger a lot of feelings for people when they see someone being mean to their therapists, so I should have expected a few annoyed people to respond.

But I want to clarify: My behaviour wasn't good, it wasn't pleasant, or nice, or even fair. I was being vile and I knew it. I still know it. My T did what was therapeutically right. But it doesn't mean I have to like it or agree with it and it doesn't mean just because she was right in professional terms to stop replying to me that I should be ok with it or not be triggered by her lack of responsiveness.

But like I've already said, if I was able to communicate effectively and efficiently under stress then I probably wouldn't need therapy. I can't be nice and lovely all the time not when going thru trauma work and learning to securely attach to someone. I am feeling terror most of the time. What would be unhealthy, is to feel all that and then present my therapist every week with a nice, clean and tidy image of the perfect client. She doesn't want that an neither do I. I am not paying out my own pocket thousands of pounds to conceal all this, I'm paying it to get better.