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Originally Posted by lilypup
My question is this: I have 3 nieces and nephews ages 23,20, 18. I've had no relationship with these kids. Is it too late to forge something with them?
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IMO, it depends on my intentions and what I want or expect from a relationship or want to GIVE the other person.
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I feel so guilty about this. I have kids of my own 26,23,and 20 so I know something about that age.
What do you think? How could I start?
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Not sure what the "guilty" part is but, I would begin by treating the nieces pretty much the way I treat my own kids and attempt to get them talking about them self and their lives, experiences, interests, jobs, joys, etc. I would definitely examine my own needs and desires in such a relationship BEFORE jumping in there. I have a lot of relatives, close and near, that I do not communicate with AT ALL and they have never reached out to me, but then, I don't have an agenda or interest in any of them - not that anything is wrong between us. If some niece or cousin contacted me, I might try to relate with them but I don't have any interest in it right now. I've often thought of contacting some of the younger members of our family but my motives are kind of selfish and self serving (like wanting approval, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, etc.) so I don't do it. I don't want to USE them to bolster my own low self worth or insecurities from past family stuff. I'd love to know how some of my in-laws have turned out but not if I am just looking for their APPROVAL/ACCEPTANCE!
I can love them as they are from a distance and wait for some of them to approach me if they feel like it.
good luck
jim
