Not good. Jumped out of bed this morning from another one of those shock feelings and just feel terribly sick and incredibly anxious. Can't remember the last day I actually felt 'good' ... first it was the mental health issues, once those were almost stabilized then I was run down by severe anemia from slowly internally bleeding to death from my tumor, then the surgery, then the chemo, now something with my thyroid? I've honestly had enough. I don't even care what happens anymore, death has to be better than feeling like this all of the time.

I used to enjoy life, I had a career I somewhat liked, I traveled a lot, to places I really fell in love with, I surfed every chance that I could get in the water, worked on projects in the garage and generally looked forward to what each day would bring to me. Seems like those days are gone. I can't remember the last time I actually felt happy about my life, and with each day seems some more bad news about my health comes. If I'm going to get sick and die I wish it would just hurry up and happen, because I'm tired of feeling like this.