Every time I try and make a relationship work, it never does. I end up throwing the person away, treating them like ****, even though I love them so much. I know what my heart feels but my head says something else. I don't know what to do or how to control it. I feel like I'm going crazy at times, when we are in an argument and he leaves I feel like I'm going insane because I'm so pissed off that he's going. And this is me starting the argument, I'm so tired of all of this. I don't know how to stop myself from not wanting to punch a wall from all of the frustration and stop crying. It's like I pick out these fights and I regret them right after but I'm too stubborn to admit that it is my fault.

I'm ruining my relationship and I don't know how to stop it, I don't know what to do. This isn't the first time, but this is the first time I've been this in love. Letting him go would be devastating for me but at the same time some of the spur of the moment things make me want to let him go and stop dealing with all the ******** that I set about. It's like I don't want myself in a relationship but I do. I have all of these mixed emotions and I don't know how to deal with them or what to do.

What do I do?

I keep telling myself to go see someone but I don't want to go see someone because I know how it's going to go and I don't care to hear someone repeat what I already know. It's pointless