It is possible to feel abandoned "by" anyone, but I think it's really the original abandoned feeling being triggered. I also think the subsequent feelings of abandonment are hard to resolve because the original abandonment feeling is part of who we are and it may always trigger the subsequent episodes. We can learn to understand that this dynamic is from an earlier time, and we can put the current feelings in our adult perspective that includes the reality of separateness. Separateness was not possible when we were little dependent selves. As adults though, separateness is what frames our own individual selves who get to choose relationships to be a part of, and what kind and to what degree of involvement as well. So, when someone else doesn't meet our need(s), it's about them and their separateness, even if it feels intentional like our original abandonment and neglect felt.

In my therapy work, we have identified issues like this. They are issues that include desires too, like a desire for mothering or parenting. These issues may always be a part of me. I missed out on these things. The time for receiving the life affirming and nourishing that children need are past. Not that I can't learn about them and understand what happens with me emotionally, so I understand my inner world, because I can and it's helpful. It isn't always clear, or easy, but it's good work.

You feel abandoned. It's very painful. It's historical. It's familiar. We gravitate toward familiar. Sometimes we re-create it to create the familiarity. That idea sounds absurd. It's just so complex, so many layers or facets. It takes a lot of exploration and a willingness to consider other perspectives. I like that you are still thirsty for understanding and I'm sorry for the pain that is part of that.