Hi, Harley.
Thank you for your reply and such encouraging words!

I've dealt so much better with the post-op than with the anxiety it brought.
As I already pointed out (or, at least, I think I did, sorry), I feel tremendously anxious about getting in the game again. Or for the first time, actually, since my previous sexual and romantic experiences were troubled by my own complex around my foreskin.

Anyway, I think it's just a matter of time, just like you said.

Hi.
I've never been diagnosed officially with phimosis, although I could tell by myself that something was wrong.

It freaked me out when I started watching porn. Male actors looked different than me. And I'm not talking about size. Size, even when I'm rather average, never bothered me. It was what it looked like what made me feel bad during all these years.

I recall feeling so scared when I read the instructions for putting on a condom for the first time in my life. It said that you had to have your penis hard and with its foreskin pulled back. And I was unable to do that! I felt not only like if there was something wrong with me, but also that being that way would kept me from having sexual intercourse.

I avoided seeing an urologist for many years. I knew that I had to solve that problem. But I was so scared to do anything. I was literarily paralyzed by fear. It wasn't until I started to having problems with my erections that I went to my urologist. He prescribed me Viagra, as I already told, although he insisted with getting myself a circumcision. Finally, I made up my mind on June this year, when that situation became unbearable.

Right now, I feel terribly lost.

I'm so confused about sex. Ok, I should give it a rest and let it figure out by itself. But sometimes I just can't let go.

I won't start a debate about prostitution. Specially when I'm aware that that's not the way to go. I won't lie: I have sexual urges. But I don't know what to do with them. Masturbation being circumcised feels a million times better than before, with a foreskin. But it's not enough. I crave the touch and the warmth of another human being. Problem is: I don't realize exactly how to make it work out.

Since my urologist told me that I could resume my sexual activities, I registered in one of those online dating sites. I met several people (not too many) there in the past. And please, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to be rude... But I always felt like I was playing way below my league.

I won't neither start a debate about the "league system".

And please, I don't mean to offend anybody with this. But the mere fact of signing up at online dating is a sympthom of desperation. It always seemed to me the place were the leftovers of the dating pool end up altogether, myself included.

But that's just a part. In the past, I would only talk to girls and women who looked like they weren't within their rights to ask for so much. Mind you, a guy in his late twenties, lacking sexual experience, with erection problems and an unretractable foreskin: I wasn't within my rights to ask for so much, either. In those cases, sex wasn't enjoyable (firstly, due to my own physical problems, but also because I was getting laid with someone I could barely find attractive).

Now, my foreskin is not there anymore to make me feel ashamed. But what should I do? I'm not used to go for the girl/woman I really find attractive.

Besides my complex, I'm not what you could call a shy kind of person. I'm respectful and very polite. But not timid. Yet, if I run into a girl/woman that looks hot to me, I get blocked. Immedatly I become cold and distant. Back in the day, in that kind of situation, I would tell myself: "Forget it, you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of that girl/woman with that ugly penis that can barely get hard, she will freak out when she finds out that your glans can't be exposed and stimulated, and sex will be awful and she will dump you right away". Nowadays (although it's soon to feel myself familiar with my new penis), I tell myself: "Yes, your foreskin is gone and you look gorgeous when you're naked, she will surely love the shape of your penis, but remember you don't have so much experience, and to be honest, you are practically handling someone else's penis, so chances are that you won't be able to figure out how to please her, instead you should practice with, you know, that kind of girls and women you used to talk to at dating sites, so that if things go wrong, you won't regret it so much".

It seems that I'm stucked in a loop-hole.
And I'm unable to break the cycle.

And I'm aware that I'm facing things with the wrong frame of mind.
I'm thinking of sex as a test, as a duty, as a trainning, as a challenge, as a result in and on itself. I'm thinking not in terms of intimacy, but in terms of "checking out that my penis functions correctly", like it was a machine. Like I was a machine.

God, I feel so exhausted.


Thank you!