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Originally Posted by shakespeare47
^ the thing is.. I am pretty happy.. and we do have sex... it's just that I wish she was more into it..more willing to even try to have an orgasm... and more willing to get help for her obvious issues.
I have even thought about asking her permission to have an affair. but, even that question has a huge potential for causing harm.
but, then again, maybe my request would motivate her to get help....
forgive me for being judgmental.... but, how could someone get to be in their 40's without ever having had an orgasm?... or even a desire to try to have an orgasm.?.. sometimes I wonder if her mother really screwed her up somehow.
In her mind for men to have orgasms is normal and healthy... but, for women? she has a really weird way of thinking about it. like it's dirty somehow for a woman to want or experience one. and she just continually tries to justify her beliefs... like that's even possible.
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No, you must tell her that it will be so sexy if she let's it happen. And you're not lying, it IS - it is really beautiful to see a woman orgasm. After that you hold her tight in your arms and you guys bond on a really primeval level, in a way no words can ever describe. Your marriage will change totally, you'll see. Tell her she's beautiful and you love the way she looks and does things during sex. Tell her it's not dirty. Sounds to me like she is only afraid of judgement. Tell her it's just you and her, and she can let go as much as she wants.
You're so right!!! It IS deep-seated beliefs that are holding her back from just letting go and experiencing it. When women don't orgasm it's because they are not relaxed enough and feel dirty or like they are being judged for example.
I feel so badly for you wife actually. She really seems to have some issues, that's just so terrible. The only cure is to finally make her feel it. But, have you asked her also why really she doesn't want it. It sounds almost like she is afraid of orgasming. Does she have a physical condition or something that if she does get it, then she is in danger of some kind (heart palpitations or high blood pressure or something)? You're going to have to sit her down and find out. And, don't quit, no matter how much she tries to evade it.