You say you are happy with yourself... but yet you want to die. Can you see how those two things do not make sense together?

I'm sorry that you've had such a crap go with life.... but you CAN do things to help yourself, and you are doing the opposite.

Childhood trauma is painful (stating the obvious here, sorry) but that is what therapy and counselling is for. If you can't find someone near you as you say that the healthcare in your area is ****... then look online for online counsellors. They exist.

I'm sorry that your family doctor is a s***head. You are old enough now to not need your family to be at an appointment at all, and you can try new doctors. They aren't all cruel or idiotic, and if you can't even walk due to health issues... then you need to go and get some help for yourself.

Having a girlfriend won't fix your problems.

There are lots of overweight people in wonderful relationships. Being overweight doesn't make someone unattractive. Not being healthy or positive can both make people less attractive. You

You say that you like who you are.... but I haven't read anything in your posts that is demonstrative of that. You demonstrate both a loathing of yourself and the world around you, including all the people that you wish to interact with.

Anger is understandable... but it's destructive. It seems like your anger has turned you into someone who isn't really even you. Please, try to find a counsellor to help you find yourself again.