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Originally Posted by LyricEuphoria
What keeps you going when you have no will to live anymore?
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Hope that things will turn around eventually.
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I feel lonely all the time whether I'm around people or alone and constantly wonder why I am really here on earth. I've had thoughts about death many times, not so much suicidal ideations, just simply not existing anymore. I would be too afraid to take my own life. It scares me very much. And, I've never tried to take my own life, not once.
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I'm quite the same too, I'm alive not because I want to live, but because I don't want to die. If I could just disappear, I'd take it.
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I just hate the way I feel most of the time and don't know how to deal with the pain sometimes. I pray and ask God for help and strength to deal with my situation.
But, what do I really have to live for? I'm just tired of living a majority of the time. I am either not taken seriously by people or just completely ignored and isolated altogether. My own family does not even respect me and that is why I have no real relationship or communication with them much anymore. I simply remove myself from toxic, negative people.
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I can relate. I don't pray to god, I do wish I had more strength. I don't really know how to deal with my problems, but I can only echo what other people have told me, and that is that you will eventually find friends and a 'new' family who will respect and love you for what you are, you just have to be patient.
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And, I am still traumatized from the time my aunt cursed me out and just completely tore me apart and how her and my grandmother just walked away laughing afterwards. I am not a bad person and have never physically or emotionally harmed anyone yet still, I feel like people try to hurt and disrespect me 90% of the time. I don't feel needed, wanted, or truly loved. I don't fit in well when trying to connect with people. Things just haven't been working out for me, no matter how hard I try.
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I can relate too, I wish I knew how it feels to be wanted by someone. People prey on nice people, and take advantage of them, and eventually move on when they don't need them anymore.
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I have no interest in therapy, tried it once before and it just made me feel even worse like the therapist was laughing or mocking my pain. I don't get why people can be so mean and insensitive, even family members.
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You just had a bad first impression, you can try other therapists, but I understand what you mean, it takes a long time to earn someone's trust to the point where you can share your weaknesses with them, but you have to give them a chance, and the therapists have to give you space and make you feel comfortable.
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I'm just so tired of everything. Not to mention, my mother who is my main support system can be so overbearing and controlling at times, especially when she constantly interrupts or talks over me when I am speaking. And, I try to tell her that I don't like that she does that and why does she keep doing it and she says it is just a bad habit.
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My mom is not controlling or overbearing, but she just doesn't listen to me, everything I say goes over hear head, and she often talks when I'm talking... or ignores what I say when I'm emotional and asks me to repeat it again... but I don't want to repeat it because the right moment is lost.
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I just have all these feelings about not knowing where I truly belong or fit to being disrespected. I am really trying to understand myself more and trying to figure out what it is that I am doing wrong that is contributing to my surroundings.
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I wish I could help you, I ask the same questions about myself, but I don't know the answers, but I live on in the hope that something will change, I guess.
