The only thing that has worked for me so far was to study and USE some good relationship skills that I found in books and at google: relationship tips. I was also doing emotional therapy so the two combined very well for me.
Sharing meetings at 12 step groups helped me a lot to open up and speak about my fragile inner truths. That and Self Esteem work plus the relationship skills made everything come together for me.

In Codependents Anonymous, I learned about BOUNDARIES which would apply to some of what you are saying here, IMO.

My only thought is that, after doing a lot of therapy and learning about good relationship skills, I am currently in a wonderful, happy and SUCCESSFUL marriage with a person who learned and uses what I did. I am pretty sure that just knowing how to make a relationship work can get most people through the relationship jungle of life even if they never bother with therapy or 12 step groups but I'm sure glad that I did go into therapy and support groups to repair some of the early childhood damages that had ruined most of my other relationships before my current marriage.
good luck,]
jim