Has anyone else had similar experiences? How did you handle it?[/QUOTE]

Really, almost everyone in modern life has to handle this issue. My former wife had had several lovers before me, whom she married. I was stupid to have obeyed the social dictum "You'll appear jealous if you ask too many questions." The social dictum is for fools. What does society care if you have a good marriage? Society only cares that you are married. Other people don't even want you to have an extremely intimate relationship with someone; other people's desire is to horn in somehow on your relationship. So you must define for yourself what your intimacy-level should be, and when I was in my twenties I was too unconfident of myself to do that. So I married a woman who kept things secret, who was always saying "That's an old problem. Just forget about it. Why are you always bringing up old things?"

Well, because those "old things" just kept cropping up--if not every day, then at least once a week. I'm not kidding.

In the beginning I knew because she told me that she'd had, say, three or four boyfriends. By the time I divorced her, that small number had grown to about seven boyfriends and 40 one-night stands. Numerous times I stumbled upon her flirting like an idiot. All of this I would have understood in the beginning if I'd only demanded to know more and more and then more again. That's who I am; I recognize my need is very great to know someone, the truth of someone, and for them not to be keeping secrets from me that other people share with her instead. My former wife was really quite proud of her successes and so couldn't help but "share" them with virtually everyone except me.

Determine your comfort level. If you're comfortable with someone not telling you everything, then great. Oh. One more thing. Remember what you're comfortable with now might not be what you're comfortable with in your fifties. By that time, we want a whole lot more out of life, believe me. We want truth as well as fun.