I have been there....its scary......that's why I don't have things that can harm me in my home.....I often think about putting together a suicide kit to carry in my trunk...I know I have to worry then....but even when I am doing good, sometimes I am hit out of the blue with thoughts/images of me taking my life, just like images/thoughts of self harming. they scare me. I kind of freak out. I wonder where they come from, they must mean something, right? I have learned to use mindfulness techniques to deal with them. the thought comes into my mind, I acknowledge it and I let it fade out of my mind as quickly as it c ame. I don't attach any feeling to it. it was only a thought, it doestn have to mean anything. it is just a cloud passing through. hope this helps. take care.