17, I know EXACTLY how you feel but just know that things always get better - imagine all of the negative experiences and difficult trials that you've already faced and overcome? This is just yet another one. Sure, it's probably the most difficult - and YES, it hurts so much more than you deemed possible, but like the ocean ebbs and flows, this too shall pass. Just hang in there, we at PC love you and need to talk to you. feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk more