I don't care about the nasty people, the bumholes, the peepoles, the users, abusers, etc. YOU are mattering, right now. YOU need to get "well" for YOU.

You have to remember there's such a thing as attraction. Don't tell me you want to hump every single woman out there (aside from family of course ) there's a level of attraction, right? Just basic biology. Different things attract different people, but I've noticed one thing that women seem to be attracted to, is those that actually give a damn about their body, and I think that's fair enough. I don't think it makes a woman a female dog if she simply doesn't find you or I attractive; it's a shame, but that's just life.

We are all attracted to different things. I love a woman with gorgeous legs... some guys are obsessed with huge boobs... whereas I prefer a regular size and still don't overly mind... some guys love blonde hair, I prefer brunette but ultimately ain't that fussed... see, we all like different things. It doesn't even have to mean there's something inherently wrong with you as a human being, just that they simply might be put off by this clear self-destruction, self-hatred, defeatist thing you've got going on. I've heard this several times over the years: "If you don't love yourself, how do you expect a woman to love you?" I don't think it's entirely true, as I hate myself but managed to get somewhere, but... I think there's something true in it.

I don't think you are in any way shape or form capable of coping with a relationship, right now, and that's fine... that's OK... I'm probably not either, or at least I wasn't a year ago. I don't think it's fair on the woman, either, as you would likely be far too intense, right now. I've been in a relationship with someone who was on a very self-destructive path and it hurt a lot; I never want to go there ever again. I think you need to work on yourself. Get yourself a decent doctor, if you can... kick up a fuss. Don't lie down and take it (sorry, I don't mean that in a mean way) make them take notice.

You are in dire need of immediate help, if anything, for physical reasons. You may actually have some serious problems going on with you, physically. By the way, the reason you're probably struggling with the bowels is because of the sugar and how your body is trying its best to flush it out... diarrhea is probably an expected result; it's the same if I drink a metric fudge-ton of fresh orange juice; it's just too much sugar and my body can't seem to process it, so it gets "flushed" out. Hah. The problem is, if you have bad, recurring diarrhea, your bowels will eventually weaken, causing even more problems that may not be fixable. (at least from what I've read) That's not the only issue, either... dehydration is a very serious and real threat with severe diarrhea; it can cause all sorts of problems, and can of course eventually result in death.

You know this is wrong and you know you don't want it this way, else you wouldn't be on PC opening up to us all. (thank you for doing that, by the way - brave of you) I wager you probably just feel like there's no other way, but there is.

This is triggering for me, and I'm not sure what I'm saying is getting through, so, I'm going to leave this thread alone; as it's unhealthy for me.

I hope you do get professional help... to be honest, I think it's worth admitting yourself to hospital, ASAP. It's OK to need help, and it's OK to ask.

Best of luck to you.