Welcome to Psych Central, SorajaP.

Maybe you push him away because he's awesome and you don't feel like you deserve him... self-sabotage, basically. Perhaps you have had a life of broken promises and smashed dreams, got so used to it, that when someone positive comes up, you inadvertently push it away because you feel like you don't deserve it; like you shouldn't have nice things. Guess what, ... he digs you, and you dig him... you've got something nice, and you do deserve it.

Hope you figure this out. Good luck.